5C's Que Pasa

You know why I haven’t been posting.  There simply aren’t enough minutes in the day to do all that I have to do.  Everyone, you all, friends and staff at the hospital tell me to get some rest.  Impossible.  Today is day 15 and it is not easy.  In fact it is more difficult than I imagined it would be.  I arrive at the hospital at 7:30AM and leave anywhere between 2:00PM and 6:00PM.  So much to do there and supervise and just be an advocate for my dad, fighting to get him his allowed one cup of coffee each morning, kindly asking if after 4 days could his bed linens  be changed, being there when after a procedure the nurse forget to reconnect his oxygen.  I wish I could be there 24/7 but know I can’t.  Why not?  Because I have to come back to his condo and work here.

So far I have found a few bills that have fallen through the cracks, interviewed four realtors and consulted with a retired one, got this place cleaned and most of all spend each free moment trying to figure out Dad’s intricate system of doing his books and banking.  I do have Power of Attorney, set up last fall ( thanks goodness ) after Mom died and thus far the bank manager is cooperating with me.  I have come across a few legal issues dating back to the purchase of this condo in 2003 which is going to take some time to sort out.

Each morning when Dad is not tired and more alert I gently ask leading questions trying to get answers to help me sort of this tangle of paperwork.  It seems that he has let it go since April and his desk is a sea of paper which I still have not had time to deal with.  Poco a poco, that is all I can do.  Sometimes when talking various memories come up, some wonderful and some sad.  Somedays we cry and others we laugh.  Our long and slow conversations are often interrupted by respiratory, physio, nurses ( not so much, you never see them which is why I am there ) doctors and visitors.  Each day I pray that he will still be alive so I can figure out what I need to in order to follow his wishes.

Just over 2 weeks ago I was told that he had 2 months or so to live.  I flew here, shared that with him and then my siblings.  The next day the doctor came in and confirmed it and discussed it with Dad.  Here in Alberta the system is different, there is a new cardiologist assigned to the unit week and each doctor thinks differently.  On my second day there the new doctor of the week came with his grand entourage and told Dad that he was doing really well and should be able to leave the unit soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My mouth dropped open and after I picked myself up off the floor I boldly challenged his statement.  How can Dad be told yesterday he is dying and you say that he is good and will be around 6 – 12 months?  Can you image how my father felt?  One day he had 2 months and now this.  Week number three doctor has a different opinion yet again. The theory is that he will likely not die a slow death but have an ‘event’ as they call it and will be gone suddenly.

We have had palliative care involved and Dad was happy to go there, but there is a wait list to get there.  Actually there is a wait list to get onto the wait list.  The palliative care doctor rejected Dad because he might not die within the alloted 4 month period.  So then there was talk of long term care, so off I went to check some facilities out.  I had 3 days to come up with my top three picks and then Dad would be placed on a list.  That was 7 days ago and he is still not on the list.  Meanwhile I found out that it does not matter as the government system will simply put him in whatever facility has a bed but the wait list can be up to 6 weeks or longer and yes there is a wait for the wait list for the wait list.  I am learning so much stuff that I don’t really want to know but I know I could certainly run the entire program much more efficiently.  I can’t be bothered and instead will continue to fight for one very special man.

So last week Monday cardiology officially signed off on Dad and it took 2 days to find a doctor ( general medicine ) who will take him on.  Basically this guy whom I have met twice and really like as he is detailed and listens to Dad and to me, is to be in charge of Dad until he gets out of that hospital and into a long term care facility where he will eventually die.  They are horrible places and it broke my heart to have to choose three.  Everyday is a gong show.  Last Wednesday at 5 PM I was called to come help move Dad to another ward as they needed the cardiology bed.  My sister went so I could see a realtor.  She packed all his things and the many photos we have taped everywhere and waited.  He was never moved.  Friday I started to unpack his things.  That day he also was diagnosed with a ‘bad bug’ in his lungs and now is on IV antibiotics which means he is now considered acute and can no longer be placed on the wait lists for long term care until he is off the IV.  He does however remain on the wait list for a general medical bed which everyone from the dietician to the palliative care doctor tell me is a horrid and old section of the hospital and that we had better be there to take care of him.

Everyone from the cleaning lady and up love Dad, he has such a wonderful personality and sense of humor.  HIs mind is as active as ever but sadly his body is not supporting him and his heart is failing bit by bit and he is very weak.  He has good days and bad days.  He keeps wishing that his body will recover and from time to time I have to reind him that it won’t.

Lots of discussion about selling the condo and of course the pricing.  In his mind the condo is his castle and worth more that the current market evaluation but we finally settled on a realtor and a price last Thursday.  Meanwhile I was already  getting things done based on my interviews with all of the realtors and one was moving out 10 sets of bookcases and books that made the hallway look crowded.  Did that Thursday PM.  Not even going to discuss the lack of support.  I have honestly asked Dad twice if I could resign.  For some reason now that I am here I am expected to do everything on my own.  When the bookcases were moved a large hole ( 18″ x 23″ ) was discovered.  Seems that years ago there was a plumbing problem and after that was resolved the worker never repaired it but just placed a bookcase in front.

That lead to me having a team of workers here yesterday patching, filling and others cleaning while I and one sister cleaned out stuff to make the place look less cluttered.  I started at 6 AM yesterday and went until 10PM and today will do it all over again.  Hope to sign the listing on Wednesday.  Last thing is getting the carpet cleaned Tuesday and I hope that all the blood from when Dad fell on August 2nd and cracked his head will be removed. 

So now you know how busy I have been.  Is it any wonder I have lost 3.4 lbs since I got here.  Don’t have time to eat too much and certainly lots of walking.  My husband is the very very best and I feel so bad that I am not there for him.  This is our busiest time of the year and he is often gone from 7AM until 10PM.  Neighbors are helping by going in and feeding the dogs.  They refuse to walk with anyone else.  I really really miss my home and my family.  This is the first time in all of our years together that Colin and I have been apart for over 48 hours.  It is tough.

This was not quite the post I intended to write but, it is what it is.  I hope to have a bit more time after Wednesday and get caught up in your blogs and post some more.  I am not rereading or proofing this, time for me to get back to work.  The painter just called and is on his way.  Thanks for all of your support.  It means a lot to get your comments.  I am so close to tears these past few days, I am so tired.