Apr 02, 2020
Doldrums
I see time floating over my head and ever so gently floating ahead of me, away from me.
Since we left the Isla at 5:40AM on March 15th I have been going non stop. We safely got into the US but we were pushing to get a few things done for the RV and had the pressure of finding toilet paper and food to sustain us for 14 days once we got home. I spent most of my time in the US including as we drove every day, on the computer ( I had 10G with ATT for $50.00 on our hot spot device ) looking for the latest updates on the world situation and passing the most important onto Colin. I barely noticed the scenery as we drove. Once we got home here in Canada, I had very specific tasks to perform which had to be done such as putting the pantry together and getting the laundry sorted out, etc. Now I have no specific reason to do anything. I have weeks, perhaps months to open the mail, to check my daytimer re my urgent to do’s and to get the business up and running. No reason to follow up on miscellaneous appointments as everything is closed. And truthfully we have no business at this time. We can’t go anywhere and once our 14 days are up we won’t be able to go much further than a grocery store.
A cool 17.6F this morning. We did enjoy the sun coming through our windows.
“I’m blue”. The first and only time anyone said that to me was about 14 – 15 years ago in Playa Luces, an RV park right next to Acapulco in Pie de la Cuesta, where we wintered for several years before we found Isla de la Piedra. Albertina was the owner and spoke very good English. She often would come and see me throughout the day as at the time I seemed to be helping her run the park. Mostly because I understood RV parks and parking large rigs and spoke French and a smattering of Spanish, well enough to get by. That day she needed money to pay the electrical bill. I promptly paid her for the next two months and suggested that she collect a few months rent as the RVers arrived. Other times I gave her ideas about happy hours, providing popcorn and then charging for drinks as the sun set and later a once a week special dinner at the mirador to watch the sunset, things to help her make money. I could go on and on about stuck RV’s, young lads standing on 45′ Class A’s using a machete to cut tree branches so the owner could back his RV into a site with no damage. So many stories to tell such as there was very little as in almost no water pressure. Colin had to go from RV to RV telling who could fill their tank, one at a time. If everyone tried at the same time no-one got any water. So many stories but hearing that ‘I’m blue’ blew me away for some reason.
Whether I am in the doldrums or feeling blue, it matters not as at heart they are the same thing. Colin has structure during the day while I seem to drift. I sit at my desk but seldom lift a pen or check my to do list. I am working on stopping spending hours online. I just drift thoughout the day. The blog grounds me as I need to write something but I could do better than I am doing but the energy level is gone. I just checked and my inbox is at 603 emails with 190 unread. No motivation to read, react nor reply.
I am full aware of what is happening to me. I think and hope that once our quarantine is over that I then might snap out of my blues. Once I can walk again my motivation will return. At the moment my only obligation is to prepare a good dinner for us which I am doing. I tend to stay up late reading and then sleep long after Colin wakes up. I am allowing myself this down time until our imposed 14 day isolation period is over ( five more full days ) then I really will need to snap out of it. I am hoping that walking will be my salvation.
Did you know that they have closed all the beaches in Mexico? Semana Santa can’t be canceled but the party part of the holiday has been canceled. I can’t imagine sitting in an RV beachfront lot and not being able to walk the Isla beach. Now businesses including restaurants are shutting down. So very very glad that we decided to come home. I feel so bad for our Mexicans friends.
Nice sunset last night. It’s not the Isla but it is still Mother Nature expressing herself.
Just now I took this photo. We have a forecast of -5C /19F and a 40% chance of snow flurries tonight. That will be interesting.
So ends my rant. Thanks for reading. I know what I have to do but I don’t quite have the energy to get up and do what I need to be doing. Only five more days. I’m sure that I can do it once I am free to walk. Maybe I am just worn out from the past two weeks and need to totally relax this week 😥
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Contessa, you have ‘ the blues’…sorry, remember when we went to nursing school one of the first warnings we got from our teachers / instructors was: ‘you girls study hard, take dozens of tests, go to clinical, lots of stress there with procedures, you go back to class, another test is due; next day back to clinical & so on…your adrenaline is hight for months if not years, then comes graduation & with it, review for boards. Now you pass the test…& YAHOOO, guess what ,the go go go dropped & with it came the most terrific ‘ blue-state U have ever had ! And instead of celebrating you are a fool-flash RN, you can’t stop crying…bummer, the blues got the best of you !!!
Seems like your Serotonin is playing a trick on you, but it will get better (give it time ).
My regards: Lucy.
Thank you for understanding. Nice analogy. Yes I remember back to those days. Stay safe.
I know how you feel. It is too easy to just let time pass doing nothing which doesn’t help ones mood. Yesterday I did get out to take a 30 minute walk around here. Felt much better after that.
Going to try to do same thing today.
We are waiting for a grocery delivery from Walmart – also ordered a curtain rod (so I can make my curtains for my sewing room) and some dish cloths – don’t know if I’ll get them or not. And computer print paper. I want to get some I can’t believe it’s not butter and they have it in stock but can’t get it delivered – have to go in store to get it…WTH.
Spent some time yesterday and this morning making face masks as sit looks like we will have to wear them to go out. Any way “they” are hinting about adding it to the do and don’t list. I am glad we are home and not stuck 5 feet away from each other in the RV.
Take care and stay well.
Good for you for getting out there. As soon as I am out of my jail sentence I plant to walk twice per day. Lucky you that you can get delivery. Seems like making face masks is the new thing. Some ladies here in our park are making them for whoever would like one.
You need a good dose of sunshine. A warm spot out of the wind but full of sunshine. Getting outside the house is important, even if you can’t leave the property, simply sitting outside will improve your mood. No computer, no phone, no internet to check on the status of things, just simply sit and enjoy. A nice glass of wine and your camera. Stay healthy!!!!
Great idea Deb but it has been freezing cold here. We even had snow for a bit today. But once it gets warm I know just where I am going to sit. Gracias.
I feel blue too – grief. I’ve lost my appetite (not my sense of smell and taste), lost several pounds. I too am responsible for feeding us since hubby is still busy with our business (year long contracts which we are billed to at least the end of June so we will be busy for a month or two) so that is my big thing each day, figure out what we can eat while not wasting any food. My next project is making homemade facemasks since Dr Bonnie now suggests it. Today we are going for a drive to drop Mom off a cherry cobbler I made yesterday (made 2 one for us and one for her). Maybe down to the ocean if we can get anywhere close to it since they closed most parks.
Gosh when I feel blue I gain, not lose. So sorry that you are feeling this way, it is a difficult time for most of us and for for a variety of different reasons. In your case missing your Mexican vacation would have been very difficult to deal with. You both really needed that time away in the sun. Going out for a bit of a drive is a good thing and I hope that we can do that next week, nothing wrong with being in our car and just cruising around. We know of several who have stayed in Mexico instead of returning to the US or Canada and now they are having to deal with closed beaches ( which is being enforced ) as well as no alcohol sales. That has also been closed down.
I think what you might be feeling is guilt. When you go, go, go physically and mentally, you feel guilty for not being productive. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy this down time doing whatever you feel like doing…or not. When this is over, you’ll be back to go, go, go wishing for time to relax. Enjoy each day and stay safe!
Are you still on the Isla? So very true every word you wrote. Thank you.
We flew back on the 31st and are self isolating. We have everything we need for now and are keeping busy unpacking, laundry, and some yard work. Lots of tv shows to catch up on and books to read. Sending prayers to you and Colin…stay safe.
That you for letting me know. I was so worries about you staying too long. Self isolation os very different form our typical behaviours in Mexico. We aren’t having a problem with it. Ia , looking forward to being able to go for a walk starting Wednesday and to being able to grocery shop every now and then. For the most part we will contitnue to self isolate with social distancing while out.
After al those busy days full of stress I’m not surprised that you need to take time to just be. Please, give yourself permission to do just that without guilt.
Thank you. Someone reminded me via email that I haven’t stopped since we left here October 25th what with all the RV breakdowns as we headed south. Not to mention my knee surgery and that this is the first time I have had to truly relax.
Hang in there Contessa, hopefully those five days go quickly.
Only four days to go 🙂
Thinking of you with warm thoughts and many hugs.
Hi Contessa read your blog tonight and just wanted to drop you a line…you have had a rough winter…then the mad dash home and now 14 day quarantine and no leaving your yard…so stay up late…sleep in…don’t worry about the emails they will be there…rest and regroup…give yourself some grace! This is a very strange world we are living in these days..unprecedented for sure.
Once you can get back out walking….life will feel a bit normal again for a little bit!
Hang in there!